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The best internal communication systems can break down. The top performers in an organization can be a pain to work with when they push for their own agendas and time lines. Even organizations listed as the “Best Places to Work” suffer from workplace conflict. Unless the hidden sources that cause and escalate workplace tension and conflict are addressed, bad things happen: Conflicts escalate, people suffer, managers lose credibility and business deteriorates.
The pain of unresolved conflict can be avoided—but only if the source of the conflict is addressed. Here are the top 10 hidden sources of conflict at work, how to recognize them and what to do about them.
1. Unarticulated assumptions
Every conflict has an element of unarticulated assumptions. Each person has a very closely held belief about “the way things should work” or “the way things are.” Unfortunately, very few people articulate these assumptions, and when they prove incorrect, frustration and anger seep in.
2. Unmet expectations
Like unarticulated assumptions, unmet expectations are also at the root of every conflict. While unarticulated assumptions focus on the way things are done, an unmet expectation is the relied-upon outcome. When the expected outcome does not happen, people become upset and frustrated, then look for someone to blame.
What to do: For both points one and two you must define the correct problem by determining the unarticulated assumptions and unmet expectations. Do this by asking employees, “What about this situation did not meet your expectations?”
3. Perceived lack of respect
This is a huge driver of conflict. What is considered respectful to one person can be the height of disrespect to another. You don’t know what others find disrespectful unless you ask. Others don’t know that you believe them to be disrespectful unless you tell them.
What to do: Explore whether a perceived lack of respect is an issue or the issue. Ask, “Does respect have anything to do with this conflict?”
4. Clashing communication styles
Some people speak in headlines, some speak in stories and others just hint. When communication styles are in sync, everything is copacetic. When styles are out of sync, negative attributions fly. “Bully.” “Rambles on.” “Will not get to the point.” “Passive-aggressive.”
What to do: Assess if clashing communication styles are driving the conflict, and then adapt your style to the other person’s. Add more details for the storyteller; speak in bullet points for the headliner; and ask broad, general questions that do not require stating an individual preference for the hinter.
5. Playing “fixer”
Time and energy are lost by well-intended, unilateral actions. By jumping in to solve the problem, individuals often create new problems because they have misdiagnosed the issue and improperly took on the role of “fixer.”
What to do: Avoid playing “fixer.” Ask those involved if they want your assistance in their own efforts to solve the problem. Do not volunteer to take on a burden that someone else can and should handle on their own.
6. All talk, no action
Failing to take action is as bad as playing “fixer.” When promises to address the problem and hold people accountable aren’t fulfilled people lose faith in you and the organization.
What to do: Action speaks. Provide updates on what you are doing to solve a problem as often as you can. Do what you say you will do.
7. Fuzzy boundaries
Power abhors a vacuum. When organizational boundaries and job descriptions are not clear, someone will step up or inappropriately take over. Lack of clear boundaries fuels unarticulated assumptions and a perceived lack of respect.
What to do: Define boundaries—personal and professional. Articulate where your boundaries are and where you believe other’s boundaries to be. State, “Here is where I see the demarcation line between our jobs. Do you see them the same way?”
8. Running amuck
Improvisation is a horrible technique to use in conflict resolution. Most people never have a difficult conversation because they do not know what to do or how to do it. The result? Important conversations never take place or, if attempted, have poor results.
What to do: To avoid improvisation when facing conflict, have a plan and stick to it. Following is an example of an effective conflict resolution plan:
Step 1: Determine how the other person defines the problem.
Step 2: Repeat what you understood to be their perspective (and remember you could be wrong).
Step 3: Articulate how you see the situation.
Step 4: Set an agenda to address all issues that are brought up.
Step 5: Dive into the discussion one issue at a time.
Step 6: Record agreements and next steps.
9. Blame and shame game
Ruminating over whose fault something is never resolves a conflict. Neither does attributing a problem to someone’s “personality.” Discussing an issue is productive only if the discussion leads to resolution, which means identifying the problems and moving to solve them.
What to do: Move from blame and shame to problem solving. The problem is never the person—the problem is the impact of their behavior. Make a deliberate move toward problem solving by articulating how each person defines the problem, and then ask, “So where do we go from here?”
10. Arguing with the line in the sand
The shortest distance to career suicide is to cross the line that differentiates standing up for yourself from insubordination. Failure to recognize and respect the insubordination line also escalates conflicts at work. Those who do not feel heard or respected will attempt to be heard through unconventional means—usually by talking more, louder, faster and to more people.
What to do: Respect the line in the sand. Once decisions are made, it is time to move from advocating your position to supporting the decision. Ask when the time for evaluating the success of the program will be and, in the meantime, track the success by objective measurements. It might be that you simply believe workplace priorities should be different. Unless your job title allows you to make those decisions, it is your job to support the decision.
So now that you know the top 10 hidden sources of conflict, the challenge is to look around your workplace for any you see. When you find one, try out the method for fixing it. You might be pleasantly surprised.
Carol Bowser, JD, is president of Conflict Management Strategies Inc. A recovering employment law attorney and mediator for the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, Bowser helps organizations address their workplace conflict, train employees in conflict resolution skills and evaluate internal conflict resolution processes. For free articles and more information on Bowser visit www.managingconflict.com. |
